I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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