fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
