my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
