My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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