We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
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of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
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After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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