I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
