And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
