why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
