I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
