Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Well I just put wine in my tea
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
