I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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