I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
