She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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