Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
