We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
