he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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