need another drink. this is the easiest way
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
