today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
ok first of all what the fuck
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
