I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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