end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
