The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
