i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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