I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
