hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
