she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
