You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
