So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
