tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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