Im at strip club and am horny
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
zippers are such a cool invention
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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