hell yes lets make some ravioli
I feel like abortions should bother me more
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
