Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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