Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
