i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
