We're facebook friends in real life
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We have started to decorate penises.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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