found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize