dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
