My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
