Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
