The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
