I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
