Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
they call him Oral-B. enough said
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
