Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
