A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
