My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
