The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
