Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
