you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
