just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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