dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
