Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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