i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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