guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
