Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
