Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
