I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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