I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
